Bubble Gum Lovin'

Ugandans are incredibly vague people.  They tend to walk around the subject of the conversation for about 10 minutes before getting to the point, and when the point is finally reached you have either forgotten what you were talking about in the first place or you are thoroughly confused because their point didn’t make any sense to you.  I know this sounds cynical but let me assure you that I am telling the truth.  And after speaking to people who practically talk in codes, I find myself using the most vague expressions in my daily life.  In saying all this I know that I am being vague myself, so let me give you some concrete examples.

Me: “How is your day going?”

Ugandan: “It’s going.”

Me: “Okay, well how are the people?”

U: “They are there. How are your people.”

Me: “They are going. Hmm… well, was your weekend good?”

U: “Somehow. Yours?”

Me: “Even me, somehow. Well, Thank you for your work.” (What work I am referring to I have no clue, but it is assumed here that everyone has done work sometime during the day and therefore it is appropriate that one shows their appreciation for it)

U: “And thank you for your work.”

So this usually lasts about 3 minutes, at which point I give up having not gleaned any information from said person and because I feel like I am talking cave man speak.  This conversation could go down in either English or Lugandan and I would feel equally as strange afterwards.  

Here is one that I have had with my students in computer class:

Me: “And so that is how you bold a word in MS Word. Are you getting me?”

Students: “We are.”

Student 1: “Madam.  How do we do the thing?”

Me: “The thing? Which thing?”

Student 1: “The thing which we have just done.”

Me: “Bolding a word on MS Word?”

Student 1: “No, the other thing, before the first thing.  I mean, how do I start the thing?”

Me: “Start MS Word?”

Student 1: “No madam, to start the thing that is sitting on the table.”

(This is the point where I walk over to the students computer in which there are actually 8 students crowded around one computer and realize that someone has managed to turn it off somehow.)

Me: “You push this button and wait for it to boot up.”

Student 1: “Okay, we wait.”

Me: “No, you go.”

Student 1: “Okay, we go.”

(Now I wait patiently for the student to push the button and ten minutes later the computer is re-booted and now we work on re-opening MS Word. Good times!)

            I usually run in the mornings around 7.  I run the same route almost every day and every day it takes me about 40 minutes to run it so I assume it is around 4 miles.  It is very hilly so I am winded by the end of it to say the least.  The students have asked to run with me and today was a public holiday so they did not have to attend their usual morning assembly.  One of the boys ran with me and as I was winded about 90% of the time I listened to him talk the entire time.  He had no problem talking and running and by how much he was talking you would have imagined he was reclining in a lazy boy instead of running at 7 in the morning.  Later in the evening I was walking home from a meeting and saw the boy running again!  After the run he came to me and I asked him where he had run.  He told me that he did the same route, just faster.  So, thinking he had maybe run a bit faster I asked him to figure how fast he had run.  He did the math and replied, “Madam, I ran it in 23 minutes.”  Now, not only had he run in the morning and spent the day digging in the garden but then he continued by running in the evening at faster than a 6 minute mile pace!  After discussing the run he asked me if I wanted to play Frisbee, which of course I did and we played for a good 45 minutes, sprinting up and down the soccer field.  And then he had to go for dinner which consists of posho and beans.  So, if you ever want to know how to get in shape, I suggest following his regement of running in the morning and evening as well as playing Frisbee and then only eating a portion of posho and beans. Dang, Ugandans are in shape.

            So on a very serious note…. The gum in this country tastes like gasoline.  Therefore, I have been desperately asking people to send me gum.  Cousin Jason sent me a bunch and I have been rationing accordingly.  I have only been able to eat one piece per day for the past month, but every Sunday I can have two pieces. Ha. I am currently down to exactly 7 pieces. Anyways, just yesterday I received a package from Chels and Leigh… covered in pictures, newspaper clippings, and a whole lot of love.  So after crying (because I had a rough week to say the least), I opened it up and to a world full of gum!! (and other wonderful things of course)  Anyways, I have time and therefore calculated and they sent me enough gum that I could chew 5 pieces a day and it would still last me longer than 3 months!! God my friends rock.

I know that I have already said how much Ugandans do not regard time as something of importance but lately it has really been keeping me in awe so I thought I should write about it again.  Not only do Ugandans not consider time on a daily basis of any importance but they also have very little concept of years and definitely don’t go out of their way to remember when something (that we would consider exceptionally important in the States) happened. 

Example 1:

I was talking to Moses the other day and asked him how old he was.  He said “35” without any hesitation.  Then I proceeded to ask him how old his wife was and he said “30”.  Then I asked him how long they had been married for and he said 14 years.  I freaked out and said MOSES you married her when she was 16!  He quickly said, no she was 20 when they got married.  You do the math… it doesn’t add up.  And then he thought about things for a second and said, “ I think I am 38.”  Ha. You think?!?  How does one not know how old they are?  The problem isn’t education.  He is one of the most intelligent Ugandans I have met (i.e. he speaks 6 languages fluently).  It is simply that they don’t put emphasis on time of any sort.  So then I said, well just tell me what year you were born and we will solve this problem very quickly.  He looked at me and told me that he had no clue what year he was born in.  I gleaned from this little fact that he probably had no clue what year he was married in and I was right.  Imagine if you didn’t know what year you were married in… how infuriated would your spouse be?  But not here, it just doesn’t matter.

Example 2:

I was talking to my language instructor about is family in Kampala.  I asked him how old his children were and he replied that they were 4 and 9.  We discussed a few things more about his family (like the age of his wife… which he didn’t know) and then the conversation was over.  The next day I asked him what year his daughter (the older one) was in school.  He replied that she was in P1 and was very smart.  P1 is the equivalent to our first grade.  I asked him why she was nine and in P1 and he said that she wasn’t nine but she was 7.  Then I asked how old his son was and he said 2.  When I mentioned that the other day he had told me that they were 4 and 9 he shrugged his shoulders and said that he must have been mistaken and that they were 2 and 7.  Now, how exactly do you make a mistake like that?  In the States I would have considered that a trait of an uninvolved father, but here it isn’t the same.  He said 4 and 9 because he couldn’t remember or because it doesn’t really matter what age his children are.  Either way, he wasn’t ashamed at the fact that he didn’t really know their ages and in the end he reminded me that time is not important in this country.  What a novel idea?!

I want to apologize to those of you who read my blog in case you are thinking that my mind wanders from one subject to the other very quickly.  This is definitely the case, but may I also add that I write different parts of my blog on different days and then upload them all to the internet when I finally get there.  So I mind is not as fluttery as it seems… though it is very fluttery indeed.