Im weird

There are a lot of things that are totally appropriate to do in Uganda and totally inappropriate to do in the States. The longer I stay here, the weirder I feel myself becoming. So I decided to make a list of all the weird things that Ugandans do, that I have started doing. Im going to be such a spaz when I come home.


● Picking your nose- People do this all of the time. They just go for gold. They can be making eye contact with you, eating, driving... doesn’t matter, picking your nose is totally appropriate in this country.
● Referring to a person as either that one or this one- Ex. That one is my friend Sarah. This statement is not only rude in the States, but also implies that your friend has no gender. In Luganda there is no distinction between female and male. There is no he/she, his/hers, its all the same word, therefore when it is translated it becomes “that one” or “this one”.
● Flashing/Beeping on the phone- This is so people don’t have to use their airtime on their cellphones. They will call you and hang up after one ring, so you have to call them back and use your airtime. Totally appropriate... incredibly annoying.
● Now, just now, now now- In Uganda there is a big difference between these three words. After being here for about 10 months, I think I have it figured out. If someone says a meeting will start “now” it probably means it will start within the next two hours. If they say that they are leaving for town “just now”, give them a good 45 minutes to leave. But, if someone says they are coming to pick you up “now now”, it means they could be there in as little as 15 minutes, so be ready. Foreigners probably get hung up on this concept quite easily, but I’m getting used to it.
● Just there, there- It’s the same with these two words. If someone says that the duka you are walking to is “there” (and they point) be sure that you have a few more miles to walk. But if they say that same duke is “just there” you may only have ½ a mile to walk!
● Tying fish to the front of your taxi to transport them- This is common practice to keep the fishy smell out of the taxi, which I totally appreciate. But it really makes me wonder about the fish I eat here.
● Keeping all windows closed on the matatu- Ugandans are apparently cold blooded and tend to like stifling heat. It can be 85 degrees outside and there can be 18 people in your matatu, but all odds say that Ugandans will keep the windows closed.
● Breasts are not taboo here, but thighs/knees definitely are- It couldn’t be more opposite than it is in the States. Here... breasts are all over the place. Women breast feed in public and never wear bras. They wear torn shirts with their nipples obviously hanging out. They dig in the garden and if their breasts fall out of their shirt, they let them hang out for the rest of the time. They are not ashamed, they are not embarrassed... its just not taboo here. Knees on the other hand.... are scandalous my friend. As are thighs. I have been scolded multiple times by my counterpart for wearing skirts that might not be appropriate. (Please note that I told my mother I looked amish when she bought me these skirts.) By American standards, my skirts are far too long, and somewhat awkward. By Ugandan standards some of them are risqué. I just stopped wearing any of the skirts that show my knees... too much controversy.
● Raising your eyebrows to say yes- This one was hard to get used to. Often when you ask a Ugandan a question they will not answer in something as simple as a grunt, they will simply life up their eyebrows, signifying “yes”. It’s something I have gotten used to and fear that I wont be able to communicate properly when I get home.
● Pointing to something using your lips- Try it. It’s strange. But I like it. Ugandans do it all the time. Usually because they are carrying firewood, jerrycans, and probably 4 children, so they don’t have a free hand to point you in the right direction. Takes some getting used to.
● Making anyone who is younger, less educated, female, do something for you- Basically Uganda is an incredibly hierarchical society. Once you are in a position of power you make it very clear to everyone by making them do the things that you don’t want to. (This includes: carrying water, fetching wood, getting food, finding someone, delivering messages, etc.) Here is an example: I needed a key from one of the tutors that I thought was in the principals office. He wasn’t there so the principal called in another tutor to find the first tutor. That tutor told the escari (the school guard) to find the tutor. The escari found a student and told him to go find the tutor. Finally, the student went to find the tutor and I felt like a total idiot because I could have done it much more easily without involving 15 other people. If you are older than someone, you have the right to make them do things for you. If you have more education than someone, you have the right to make them do things for you. If you are a male, you have the right to make women do things for you. It’s a bit baffling, especially for Americans who tend to be a fairly independent people.
● Eating the same meal every day- Every meal. Every day. Matooke/Posho and beans. I don’t know how they can stomach it, but there are only about 5 different types of foods that Ugandans eat... their whole lives. They don’t know the joys of peanut butter or cereal. They laugh when I make burritos or soup. They can’t fathom eating veggie burgers or even a fruit salad. They don’t believe that the food I eat even fills me up. They think only matooke and posho make acceptable meals.
● Saying what people want to hear instead of what you mean- This is one that I have the hardest time with, because honesty is such a huge thing to mean. Ugandans don’t try to lie, they just don’t always tell you the truth. They would rather please you with their words than be totally honest with you and possibly hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, it hurts my feelings more when they don’t tell me the truth. Luckily, this is one habit I haven’t picked up on.
● Eating insects as a delicacy- Grasshoppers are huge over here. And because I live in the wetlands, they are all over the place during the wet season. After catching hoards of them with lights at night, they fry them up with onions and peppers and sell them in little bags on the street. As weird as it sounds... they are delicious.
● Throwing bricks at dogs is expected- The only reason a Ugandan owns a dog is for protection. Therefore, if a dog is barking at you, you can be fairly sure that he/she is going to attack you. So you pick up a brick and chuck it at the dog. The only time I get pissed is when they do it to my dog, who is obviously not barking at you because she is going to attack you. There have been many times when I have informed a student that if she throws the brick that she is aiming at my dogs head, the I will throw an even larger brick at her head. That usually stops them pretty quickly.
● Calling white people Muzungu- I would be fine with this one, if it didn’t mean that people assume that since they have called you a muzungu, you want to talk with them. In the taxi park, someone will scream muzungu across about 5 matatus and be incredibly persistent about talking to me. Does that fact that I am a muzungu make you think that I am more likely than Ugandans to talk to strangers? But in the mean time I refer to all white people that I see (including my friends) as mazungu... so I guess it serves me right.
● Saying someone is fat- Here, being fat is a very good thing. It doesn’t necessarily hold the same meaning as it does in the states. Being fat means being big, and strong. But after being called fat so many times, its starts to wear on you. I just try to keep remembering that it is a compliment.  It is common for me to see someone and say "wow... you have grown fat!"  and they will smile with appreciation.
● Giving knives to babies- Self explaining. Its ridiculous. A 1 year old was holding a very sharp knife, so I took it away from her. She of course started wailing, and the mother glared at me like I was in the wrong. ha.
● Riding 14 in a 4 door car- Now this is my record, and its ridiculous. Let me explain how it is done. Two people in the drivers seat (dangerous, I know), three people in the front passenger seat. Four people in the backseat, with three people on their laps, and two people on their laps. Its like a clown car when everyone gets out. Hilarious.... and incredibly uncomfortable.  But, the only time I have ridden 4 people in a 4 person car was when I private hired.  And it felt strange.
● Selective animals on public transport- Goats in matatus... fine. Chickens on bicycles.... great. Pigs on motorcycles..... perfect. But try taking your dog in a car (something totally appropriate in the States) You will be admonished by all, and they will think you are crazy. Though they bring their dirty animals on every other form of transport.
● Leaving out food and still eating it- In that states, if I left out milk for about an hour I would toss it.... its bad, right? Hmm... for the record, milk can last when left out for almost 24 hours. Cheese lasts a good 5 days not in the fridge. Mayonnaise... indefinitely. Eggs don’t need to be refrigerated neither does jelly. And most leftovers can stay for two days and still be good to eat. "Out" is the only choice I have here and so I am not so picky about mold and ants anymore.
● Wearing 4 different types of stripes in one outfit- Ugandans are very stylish people, just not according to American standards. My favorite thing is walking into my staff room to see what people are wearing. Blue pinstriped pants, with a white pinstripe coat, a horizontally striped black shirt, and a red vertically striped tie. Love it.
● Cutting in lines- Actually, lines are almost non-existent here. Pushing and shoving is the protocal. In town at the ATM it’s a huge shoving match. Buying food, someone will just put jut their hand in front of you and be helped first. This was one of the hardest things to get used to, because we use lines EVERYWHERE in the states. In school, at the supermarket, at the bank... basically everywhere.
● Saying sorry for everything- Ugandans love saying sorry (though, interestingly enough, there is no word for please in their language). If you trip, they say sorry. If you forget something, they say sorry. People are constantly saying sorry for things that neither relate to them, or should make them sorry. Now that I have started to do it, it seems natural and I am constantly apologizing to people. Sorry.

So now that you know all the crazy differences between Uganda and the States, you can’t judge me when I come home and can’t remember how to be normal. ☺ And yall should come over here and see how different it is.