In America, I tend to consider myself a fairly stable person. Yes, I do have my occasional meltdowns, but overall I am usually calm and collected (except for my temper of course). Anyways, here in Uganda, I am a total mess. Not even just sort of off kilter, but if this was my real life I would seriously go to a psychiatrist to get tested for multiple personalities or bipolar disorder or something. It wouldn’t be so bad if I maybe had 4 good days and then a bad day or two... that would at least seem normal and logical. Since nothing here is logical, it only makes sense (or does it?) that my emotions would fly off the radar at the slightest provocation. Most days I cry at least once, or get so angry that I grind my teeth till they are sore. Those exact same days can sometimes be my best, when I will spend hours laughing with children or sitting talking with friends. (As I talk to other Peace Corps volunteers, it has become very clear that this is the norm here and I am not crazy. Most people have mood swings that go from one extreme to the other... in a matter of minutes.) It’s all so very crazy that I thought I would allow you to experience it for a few minutes. So in the next few lines I interspersed things that bring me to tears with others that remind me why I am here (They are accumulated from a few days... this did not all happen in one day!):
On my walk home tonight a little 4 year old ran out into the street with a snow suit on. It was fully zipped up and even the hood was tied super tight around his head. Poor kid was probably melting inside, as was I because I was laughing so hard. By the way... I live about 20 minutes south of the equator. It’s really hot.
The last 3 times I have gone to teacher computers the power has gone off right as I started to teach. No power.... no class.
My garden is growing like crazy!
I was on my run today (training for a marathon kids) and 4 miles out it started to rain. Now I was real pissed because it was my long run and I had a good 16 to go. But I hid out under a mango tree and waited for the rain to stop. As I started running again I saw the most gorgeous double rainbow in the sky. Best part is that I could see both ends of it!
I tried to start a savings association at the local church. We need 15 people to start... 4 showed up to the meeting today.
My dog learned how to “sit, lay, shake, and speak”. Ugandans think she is super-human.
They wouldn’t let me start a running club at the college because they don’t want the students going off the campus. Crushed....
The JICA volunteer who is next to me was given a boda (motorcycle) by his organization. I am not even allowed to ride on the back of one. Sick.
All but 7 of the inmates at the prison signed up for my English class!!
Baby Dan got his first tooth... and the next three as well!
My dog killed two of my neighbors chickens. In theory all I would have to do is buy my neighbor new chickens, but the students told me that in the Buganda region when something gets destroyed it is not okay simply to buy a new one... that doesn’t do the item justice apparently. Especially not a chicken. The kids said, “Maybe you should just kill your dog and get a new better one.” Tears ensued.
I got to hold a newborn baby... hadn’t even been to the hospital yet.
An old man I met on one of my runs brought me home made juice tonight. Then he proceeded to tell me that the seeds in the bottom were to kill all of the worms. He stood there and watched me drink it. It was delicious... and probably deadly.
The people in my savings group informed me that NONE of them have a bank account.
I got an amazing package from my momma.
I crashed and burned on my run this morning. Bloody hands, bloody knees, bloody elbows.
I got my hair braided at the deaf salon in town and all my students think I look “smart”.
We finally printed the school newsletter!
So there is a little bit of the up and the down of my daily life. I am sort of getting used to it and actually don’t know what I will do when I come home and things are so predictably normal.
2 comments:
You might think you're going crazy, but that's not abnormal behavior. Integration is a process, and depending on whether you've ever spent time overseas longer then a month, it can take a long time to feel grounded and normal. The more you integrate and find commonalities, the better it gets. Making friends with locals really saved my bacon when I was volunteering on my own in Kenya for 10 months. It was like having another brother besides my biological one.
From what I understand, the Lariam pills also make people rather "touchy" when they would not usually be.
Hello my darling...
While I cannot understand exactly what you are going through, I do understand being in tears daily and sometimes minutes later having the biggest smile and enjoying the miracle that is Bennett. So normal is relative. Just day by day my dear. Enjoy. love you xoxo
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